Taking Time to Sketch it Out

I mentioned not too long ago that I don't make time for art when life is busy.  I've been trying to change that.  After doing my project for Oliver's room, I painted some pictures for my friend's two boys' birthdays earlier this month.  And yesterday, I dusted off my sketch book.  For the first time since 2010, apparently.  (And there was only one drawing from 2010. Ack!)

I've been wanting to draw Oliver for a while, but I couldn't decide on the "perfect" picture to use as reference.  I finally stopped trying and just grabbed a picture.  Which is how I ended up with this sort of goofy one.

Then, for funsies, I colorized it in Photoshop.

Now I'm kind of inspired to draw another one.  And determined to do it sooner than three years from now...

Cell Dependency

I sort of hate that a piece of technology would be so important in my life, but I discovered this weekend how much I really do depend on my cell phone.  (Ugh.)

Things I use my cell phone for in the course of a day:

• As a watch.  I wore a watch every day of my life from third grade (when I would watch for it to hit 11:15 am, the time at which kindergarten let out, my sister went home, and I no longer knew anyone in my 600-student school) up until I got a cell phone that I used more than to just make phone calls.
• To text.  Yes, I'm guilty of using text messages in place of phone calls... a lot.   This makes me either less social or more, I'm not sure which.  I guess it depends on whether I would call a person if I wasn't texting them, or not.
• As a phone.  Duh.  But we don't have a home phone (maybe we should), so my cell is it.
• To keep lists.  We only hit Costco or Target occasionally, so I try to jot down things we need that I'd totally forget about when going to the store.  I also like to keep a list of non-urgent questions to ask the pediatrician (or my OB during my pregnancy).
• To keep track of breastfeeding.  This is the biggie right now, the app I would feel completely lost without.  I use it to keep track of when, for how long, and on which side I most recently fed.  I also use the app to document poopy diapers, because they happen so infrequently now, and naps.
• To read.  I do a lot of blog reading and Facebook browsing and article-based research on my phone.  Especially while nursing Oliver.
• As a back-up plan or a safety net.  Have you ever noticed that meeting someone out and about is much easier when you can just call them when you get there and tell them where you are?  I'm so un-used to having to have a pre-designated meeting place now!  And I feel safer driving with my cell phone; if anything were to happen, I could call for help, look up directions, etc.  (Not actually while driving, of course.)
• As a calendar.  Since having a baby, I find that my memory is absolutely shot.  If I didn't put appointments on my calendar with a reminder, I'd be such a mess!
• As an alarm clock.  I have a daily alarm to take my time-sensitive medication (see: memory issues), and I use it as a regular wake-up alarm clock, too.  And as a kitchen timer, and as a stop watch.
• As a camera. This one bugs me a little because I own several real cameras that take great pictures (and some of them, video) and I'm sort of morally opposed to a cell phone replacing a nice dSLR, but my cameras aren't small.  And they're not always in my pocket when my adorable baby is being adorable.  So.
• To video chat.  Having both sets of grandparents living too far away, we try to video chat with them on the regular.  Sure, we have a web cam on the desktop computer, but it's much easier to follow Oliver's constantly-moving little face with a cell phone than in front of the computer. 
• To play games. Words With Friends and Draw Something, mostly.  Quick little distractions or time-fillers.

Pretty ridiculous!  But I've decided to just embrace it.

Which is why, after fatally dropping my phone on Friday (LCD screen: dead), Steve and I spent our "date night" (while Grandma M babysat Oliver) at the T-Mobile store getting me a new phone.

I was pretty bummed about spending the money right now, but this is the first phone I've broken in twelve-ish years of owning cell phones, and as such, I've never had insurance and have saved that $8 a month for... twelve-ish years.  One cell phone replaced before its time is not, I suppose, the end of the world.  Especially after realizing just how useful it is.

RIP, Galaxy S2.  You served me well.  Welcome, Galaxy S4.  You're so shiny and fancy and new!

Four Months

Dear Oliver,

You're four months old!  My favorite thing in the whole world is your smile.  Especially in the mornings, when you've first woken up.  I love that you wake up in a good mood!  You're such a happy little kiddo, but smiles are hard to catch with the camera.

You still love your kick piano.  You'll happily kick around for twenty, thirty, forty-five minutes.  Maybe you'll be a musician!  You're starting to be more interested in toys, too.  Your monkey rattle is your favorite.  You don't like a pacifier, but you'll suck on Monkey's arms or ears to your heart's content.

You love being sung to.  There's that musical thing again! "The Ants Go Marching" and "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" are favorites. 

Telling Barkley a secret, I think.

You're not a particularly snugly baby anymore.  (Sometimes I have to steal my snuggles when you're sleepy after nursing.)  You want to be on the move.  You don't like it when we sit and hold you, unless  you can be standing on our laps or bouncing on our knees.  You're alert and interested in the world around you.  You want to see everything, and you'll look to the right, to the left, to the right, to the left...  You prefer being upright to laying down, and you like facing out.  You can't sit on your own quite yet, but I found a Bumbo seat and a door frame jumper at a consignment sale a few weeks ago, and both offer a new perspective that you seem to enjoy.

You've rolled over from your tummy to your back four more times, but none of them seemed to be on purpose.  You're surprised when it happens.  You still push your hips off the ground when you're on your back, but so far no roll onto your tummy.  

Because you never want to miss a party, naps are often a struggle.  You generally get one good nap a day, anywhere from 45 minutes to two and a half hours, in the afternoon.  There are definitely no-nap days, and those can be hard.  (For both of us.)

On the flip side of that, nights continue to be good.  We start the bedtime at about 8:00.  We have only the red light on in the nursery.  Dad puts your PJs on, and then I nurse you while Dad reads a story.  And then right to sleep!  (Most of the time.  Some nights it takes a few songs and maybe some rocking to do the trick.)  And then you sleep solidly until, on average, 5:45.  You're up for 45 minutes or so to eat and have your diaper changed, and then down again until between 10 and 10:30.  (That's my time to get a workout, shower, breakfast, and whatever else I can fit in!)

Your doctor's appointment isn't until next week, but I bet you're over 18 pounds and more than 28 inches long.

You're an awesome little dude.  I feel really lucky to be your mom!

Grand Days With Grandma & Grandpa!

My parents came out to visit this week.  My dad is in a really busy spell at work, so he was here for two full days, and my mom was here all week.  It's been fabulous!  We've done exciting things and quiet things.  Like...

Reading lots of books.

Going to the Ventura County Fair.

With Ferdinand the Bull*

Visiting the Ghost Town at Paramount Ranch.

And hanging out at home.

We also went swimming, spent an hour at Oliver's future daycare, went to storytime at the library, took walks, shopped the outlet mall, and had pictures taken.  It's been a great week with Grandma and Grandpa!

* Why Ferdinand the baby bull was so exciting: My grandpa grew up on Ferdinand Street in Chicago.  So did my mom.  Before Oliver was born, my grandparents gave us a book, The Story of Ferdinand, about a little bull who likes to smell flowers.  In a pocket in the back of the book, my mom tucked a few old pictures taken at the house on Ferdinand Street (including one of my grandpa as a toddler).  It's a favorite!  So when the baby bull in the Baby Barn at the fair was named Ferdinand, we had to get a picture!

Sleeeeeepzzzz

We have a bed in the nursery. I love having a bed in the nursery, and I hope we can have the same set-up for any future children.

Nursery Bed

[A really old picture of the nursery, from before Oliver was born.  I have plenty of recent pictures in the nursery, but none of it.  If Oliver wasn't asleep right now, I'd grab an updated one.]

When Oliver was a squishy newborn and Steve was still off work (so, Oliver's first month), we all slept in the nursery. Because Oliver was still waking up every three to four hours to eat, I'd bring him into the other room (our room) to nurse him as to not disturb Steve.

When Steve went back to work and needed uninterrupted sleep (and to get up at 5:00 and not have his alarm wake everyone), he started sleeping in our room during the week. On weekends, he'd sleep in the nursery with us.

Last week, now that Oliver's been napping in the afternoons (knock on wood!), I got a monitor. An inexpensive audio monitor that I'm actually really impressed with so far. I didn't like that I couldn't hear Oliver until he cried his loud cry if I was downstairs and the door was closed, and if the door wasn't closed, the cat would be in there making noise. (Our cat is surprisingly noisy, especially when climbing behind the wood blinds to see out the window.) It's hard enough to get Oliver to nap; the cat waking him up is no good.

I've been using the monitor for naps all week, and it's working well.  So last night, for the first time in over 16 weeks, I decided to try to sleep in our room with the monitor. I want Oliver to know how to sleep alone and, selfishly, I thought it would be nice to sleep through some of Oliver's morning not-awake-yet noises. (The other morning he was wiggling and kicking and grunting from 5:45 until 7:30, when he finally woke up.)

Of course, it just so happened that I've been awake since 3:00 this morning.  Not because I was worried about Oliver and the monitor or stressing about anything, I was just awake. (And now I wish I could take a nap...)  So much for getting better sleep in our room!

On a better note, the monitor worked well!  It's sensitive enough to get Oliver's just-awake babbles but discriminate enough to not broadcast his light-sleep movements, which do wake me up while I'm sleeping in the nursery.  I'm not sure I'm completely ready to stop sleeping in the nursery, but I can ease us all into the transition now without being afraid of not hearing him.

What A Difference!

5 days old                                                                                    16 weeks

5 days old                                                                      16 weeks

The Much Taked About "Mommy Guilt"

I've been having thinky thoughts. The kind that come mostly at night, just as you're trying to fall asleep, and take a long time to think through. (I can actually say that right now, my poor sleep is not baby-related at all.  At least not in the usual way.)

I go back to work at the beginning of September.  I've been with my company--via merger--for ten years, in four distinct roles across seven "departments". I've moved up and over and found my groove, and I like my current job. I don't love it, it's not my dream job (but what is? I wish I knew...), but I'm reasonably content with it. I work with nice people doing something that's generally interesting and enjoyable, relatively low-stress (most of the time), and very rarely takes more than 40 hours of my week.

I think you know where this is going.

My mom stayed home with my sister and me when we were little. Steve's mom stayed home with his brothers and him. I guess I always thought I'd be able to stay home with my kids. At least until they were in school.

But do I have what it takes to be a stay-at-home mom? Can we afford it?  We'll likely need a bigger-than-two-bedroom house in the next few years... would that even be a possibility if I don't work full-time? I have guilt about putting the financial burden on Steve. I have guilt about the prospect of both Steve and me having only weekends and a few hours each evening with Oliver.  Guilt about him spending more waking hours in daycare than with us.

Oliver scooted Sunday. Twice. He got himself about two feet and 90 degrees from where he started, twice in a row, and that was new. He'd never done that before. He changes so much every day. I hate the thought of both me and Steve missing any of it.

Baby on the move!

I found a daycare I'm happy with. Comfortable with. I know Ms. H will be engaging and enriching and at the same time nurturing and caring. I know there are lots of social benefits.  He'll have kids to play with and learn from and look up to. I know it will be a good experience for Oliver.

But knowing it doesn't keep me from crying about it. It doesn't let me sleep peacefully at night, because I also know what I'll be missing. I look at Mommy & Me classes at the park district, and they're all on weekdays. I look at local parenting groups, and all the activities are during the week.   And I look at Oliver, at how quickly he grows, at his delightful smile and his enthusiasm at the world, and I know he'll never be THIS again. Tomorrow, he'll be different--bigger, older, have new abilities--and I don't want to miss today.

So, I don't know. I'm seriously considering asking to reduce my hours at work. I don't know if they'll be able or willing to accommodate me. I don't know if we can afford the loss of income.  But it feels like an acceptable compromise. A happy medium?

I'm just so, so glad Steve is able to take time off when I go back to work. That he'll be here with Oliver for eight more weeks. It makes the prospect of going back at least palatable. And I still have a month. I'm going to enjoy every last minute.